Metamorphosis Of The Mind

My entire life has been a metamorphosis. Over the past few years, my beliefs have changed drastically. As I reflect on the past, I think of the way I used to be and the things that changed all that. If the 'me' of the past were to meet the 'me' of today, she would try to kill me. Why? Because I am what I used to hate and I hate what I used to be. Confusing? Let me explain.
While growing up, I was raised as a Christian and taught the ' values' of the religion, as they are called. I believed every word that was written in the Bible about the Almighty, his love, eternal happiness in Heaven, evil, and the torment of everlasting Hell. I learned (or so I thought) what was good and what was bad, what was true and what was false. I practiced all they said to believe and do, and I did not dare question what they said because I feared burning in Hell. My childhood wasn't the happiest one, and I often prayed to God to take the pain away, but no divine relief ever came. I never really gave it any thought because they said that we only live to serve God despite the condition of our life. Some of them would say, "God will always be with you during hard times." Others would say, "Remember that we are clay and we should not question how God moulds our lives." At that time I didn't seem to realize that unlike humans, clay couldn't feel pain, so I remained faithful. Besides, I didn't want to end up in Hell for not obeying God.
In school, I learned many wondrous things about science that amazed me. The big bang theory, evolution, plate tectonics, and other scientific marvels fascinated me. But when I asked other mortals about such things, they said that they were lies and deceptions of evil because they contradicted religion. The holy books started to appear more irrational and unrealistic the more I studied them. But who was I to question the word of God? Yet science made so much more sense to me because it seemed like it had the most logical and understandable explanations of things. I wondered how science could possibly be false. I began to study and analyze the things in life more closely, but I never went against or outside the teachings of Christianity, because I feared the possibility of divine punishment for having such heretic thoughts. Because of this fear, I became even more devout. I developed right-wing views and held a conservative outlook on life. I began to hate everything and everyone that even remotely went against the teachings of the Bible and the culture. I became a self-righteous bigot as the hatred in my heart grew. My perception of life was very narrow and I was very close- minded. I cursed the existence of all the 'heathens' that defied the righteousness of God. But for who did this hatred really burn for? Was it really for all of the 'evils' of the world that I was told so much about and taught to hate?
Suddenly, all the things I had ever experienced and learned throughout my life began to add up and come together like pieces of a puzzle. It was myself that I really hated. I hated what I had become. This 'piece of clay' had been molded into a mindless drone by their dogma, conformity, and ideals. I became what they wanted, that which wasn't me. With this single realization, I began to fully understand it all and finally disavowed my faith.
My perception of the world, reality, and life had become so much clearer. Seeing things from the outside, you begin to realize their true nature. They would no longer control me through empty and unfulfilled promises of happiness or threats of hellfire. From then on I would think for myself and use my own logic and judgment.
This new freedom opened up a whole new and enlightening world for me. Never again will I look at the world through closed eyes. Science and reason are now the basis of my beliefs. I believe that we are born and then we die, so in the here and now, we should seek to live a fulfilling and rewarding life with happiness and prosperity as our main focus and goal. If you would have to label my beliefs, I guess you could consider me a secular humanist. If I have a religion, it is life. And if I have a God, it is I

But then things change, you discover what you have been waiting all these years and when you find it

you don't want to lose it.........that was life for me, chasing a dream to be , that's what all it takes a person to realize that "NOTHING ELSE MATTERS". So what is it ?. Let me explain that before you jump into your own abyss of thoughts.

If hate died tomorrow, would the world stop spinning? I have asked the question so many times, it feels like it is the sole question of our existence these days. I have had so many answers, yet they seem to amount to the same thing when you add them all up - "What ever happened to balance?", "History repeats itself", "That will never happen, so why worry about it". I have yet to receive a straight answer to my question, so I have decided to take my own advice, and look within to reflect the answers I seek. Yes, the world would still spin tomorrow if we all woke up and fell into a state of unconditional love for every man on this planet - despite race, creed, and Ideology.

Unfortunately, in this day and age, with all the progress and enlightenment we have amassed, people can still not conceive a world of peace and love that maintains a universal balance. Stop doubting my friends! Come and dream with me today!

Right now, there is a ying and a yang, or a give and a take. What if we stopped 'yanging' and taking, and committed ourselves to only 'yinging' and giving? Would the metaphysical forces of our spirits fall flat on there faces due to a lack of resistance? Would we starve because we are not taking something back for ourselves? The answer to both of these questions is 'no'. If we all gave unconditionally, we would hold each other up. If we all gave unconditionally we would feed each other, and no one would starve. We would not need to worry about where our next meal was coming from, for our brother and sister would be preparing it for us. Have you ever been fed before by someone who loves you?

Have you ever had someone give up there precious free time to place a smile on your face? I knew a girl, a friend who would do so. It is the greatest feeling in the world to exchange such intimacy. Was She perfect? By no means - for she was an imperfect creature influenced by a harsh climate. Maybe things would have worked out differently if the world around us was not so messed up, but hey that's life right? I don't think so. That is the type of slavish exception for the status quo, which keeps us bound.

Why do I ask, do we except what is, and what has been, as set in stone for eternity? I know very few people who cannot communicate, but it seems like there is almost no one who cares anymore. However, deep down inside, everyone wants to be loved and accepted to the highest extent. It is the search for this feeling that drives people to selfishness, to self-exaltation, and to try to make themselves the gods of there own little kingdoms. It is the rejection we have been conditioned to offer which drives people to isolation, and a lust for destruction. So, why don't we all just try and do more then simply get along, why don't we all look to each other for help in this journey of life?

It seems impossible, because everyone has become so self serving, thus allowing themselves to remain a stone's throw away from the animal kingdom. We have reason! We do not need to live like animals and compete for the plenty anymore people! We have evolved, in every area, as a race except the most important - our social structure. Give yourself up to the world! It will seem tough at first for others will not give there fair share back, and you will feel like you are starving. However, when people feel your love, when they see your unadulterated soul, they will become transfixed with your true inner beauty, and something will awaken the divinity within them: They will raise to a higher plane of consciousness. I have seen it happen - you will receive love like you have never known, and other people will want the same in return. This game is called 'Follow the Lover'.

My  relationship with her changed my life forever. I have never had so little, yet had so much, as I did at the time. She changed me, he made me care about other people. There was a time when I used to be so full of hate and self-denial, and all I wanted was more. I was a racist, a fascist, a bitch, a punk, and I denied it all. I felt that the world revolved around me; believing that everyone else was so greedy and evil and I was so righteous. The love of one person brought about a spiritual rebirth in me, and I have been growing ever since that day. I feel I am starting to come full circle, and for the first time in my life I have firm grip on hope. I am broke, and things constantly go wrong, but I feel my faith in the divinity of all things. My love for life can move mountains. This is all because of one person! Just imagine if the whole world would come along. Now that I live every single moment to be a part of her. And ironically I began to understand the reason why we 

                                                                                         Neo " the crow"

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